Pictures are: here
I began the day not wanting to get out of bed. Like most other days. :D But, I got up anyway and went to school. I got breakfast. Which I rarely do and it was rather tasty!
I got to school and gathered all the 7th grade language class selection papers for Mrs.Capp since she had a doctors appointment and couldn't be there to do it herself. Then it was class time. Gov was normal. We did this cool thing in English where you tape a paper to your back and have people write nice things on the paper. Lunch was interesting lol with all the togas and kool-aid pong. I dropped the MIT shirt that Healy gave me (which is amazing thank you again) and had to go get it. When I went back to the room Mrs. Pincus was there and she asked me did she write on my paper. I told her that she had and then she was like,
"Oh I also wanted to say that I'm impressed by the way that you are able to be so opinionated yet at the same time you're really open. You stand strong in what you believe but will always give other's ideas a chance. That's a hard line to walk but you walk it well."
That made me feel really good. Then math was normal and in comp sci they sung happy birthday to me after Mr. Gray heard me telling Healy it was my birthday. Then Randy and Sonia told Doc it was my birthday so they sung in Chem too. They started the skip around the room stuff but I never actually skipped in hopes that we could keep it going the whole period. Sadly, Doc made them shut up lol. Essay was, well essay. We watched more Sweeney Todd.
After school I hung out with Quintin. <3 Then I went and ate lunch with Shayne. <3 Stupid Ruby Tuesday's and their new dumbass menu. I used to love them more. Then it was only 5 when I got to broad and only so I called Randy to see if he wanted to hang out. He said yes. So I went to over to Randy's. <3 I walked to the basement and you know what I found?? A CAKE! Lol. And water to wash it down. (He knows me too well) I was totally surprised. We hung out there for a little while then he drove me home and went to work.
The day is not over yet! There is still 31 cent scoop day at Baskin Robbins && that oh so wonderful English paper that will take me all night lol.
Later loves.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
One of the many reasons Kate thinks I'm crazy...
please realize I am a very rambly person and i wrote this while being overly tired
I think I'll begin this plain, simple and clear: As it is in it's present state I am HIGHLY against affirmative action.
:o shocking? I know right.
So anyway today in gov we sat in class and we shared our views on affirmative action. Some people mentioned how there is still white privilege and another person thought that we should take not of the fact that there are only two black people in AP Gov and that most of the other AP classes are lacking in minorities.
Let's start with this thing that has to do with Masterman. There are no black kids in the top classes because it just so happens that most of the black people don't want to take these courses. It's not like they don't have the option to, they just don't sign up for them. And I mean I understand the whole thing about like "history and things that happened in the past cause minorities to tend to not reach as far as others do" but it's Masterman. That doesn't apply. Everyone in that highschool knows the benefits of taking AP classes and the benefits of taking the non-AP classes and so it just ends up with few black people in most of the AP classes.
The main reason that I oppose affirmative action is the reason people try to give about why there so few minorities in higher level courses. Though I do not agree with this idea when it is applied to Masterman, I do think that it can be applied other places. Throughout U.S. History minorities have been kept down and so many of them still feel stuck down today, like they cannot try to gain more in their lives because they will just be pushed aside as their ancestors were. But, there are some minorities (like myself) who know that they can have whatever they want in their life. If you want more qualified minorities in high places they key is not to help them after they've made it through high school or college, the key would be to help them from birth placing them in better schools and more productive environments.
Now, this is what I find uber salty and funny about Affirmative Action, many people think that it rights the wrongs of white privilege. The problem with this is that many people also fail to see the Black privilege that it creates. I have an edge over my white male friends because I'm a black female. I also have access to a lot more help than they do because people want to help the "sad minority." This puts me in a position where I can achieve more by doing less than white males. Doesn't seem right to me, but I know it's true.
Affirmative action as it is now helps the wrong group of people. It helps people like me who are already college bound and don't really need help. It gives me a little extra boost. When really, it should be helping the kid who has a lot of potential but was not able to reach his / her full potential because they ended up in a sucky neighborhood school where they were written off as another hood rat who was not going anywhere in life. It should help those kids that bomb the SAT not because they aren't smart but because of the fact that they had no clue what they were getting into. It sort of pisses me off that affirmative action helps me, who does not really need it, instead of my friends who I know who do. It's not really a help, once it kicks into place the person is pretty much past all the problems they had to face that would hold them back.
My other problem with affirmative action is that it always leaves people looking over their shoulder wondering if they got to where they are not because they were qualified but because they were black. It's somewhat of an insult when colleges that accept people based on a point scale add points because of an applicants minority status. That says that they generally expect minorities to come in being worse than everyone else. And, it does allow some under qualified people to be let in over qualified people which is a serious problem and gives people grounds to make statements questioning how a minority got into a school/job. It also leaves me feeling like somewhat of a hypocrite. I can sit here and speak about how I'm against affirmative action but sitting right next to me are two of the many scholarships that my mother has had me fill out that are for minorities. I have to take these advantages because I need the money, but I feel bad knowing that I have many more scholarship opportunities than non-minorities who I know also need money. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I do know that I will have to keep doing these scholarships because my mom needs the money.
I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. I wish there were no such thing as the office of minority education at MIT which is devoted to making sure that the minorities achieve. Who is there to make sure that all of the non-minorities achieve? Maybe one day it won't be this way. Maybe one day we'll be able to give each child the same chances and so whatever position he or she is in by senior year of high school is due to their own good or bad decisions. But we would also have to make sure that they had proper counseling because a lack of a good family structure is one thing that leads to this gap that people are trying to fix with these stupid policies. Ugh. This is way too much to think about, and too big a problem for a 17 girl who is sleep as hell. So I guess this is where I'll end. It's just something to think about.
I think I'll begin this plain, simple and clear: As it is in it's present state I am HIGHLY against affirmative action.
:o shocking? I know right.
So anyway today in gov we sat in class and we shared our views on affirmative action. Some people mentioned how there is still white privilege and another person thought that we should take not of the fact that there are only two black people in AP Gov and that most of the other AP classes are lacking in minorities.
Let's start with this thing that has to do with Masterman. There are no black kids in the top classes because it just so happens that most of the black people don't want to take these courses. It's not like they don't have the option to, they just don't sign up for them. And I mean I understand the whole thing about like "history and things that happened in the past cause minorities to tend to not reach as far as others do" but it's Masterman. That doesn't apply. Everyone in that highschool knows the benefits of taking AP classes and the benefits of taking the non-AP classes and so it just ends up with few black people in most of the AP classes.
The main reason that I oppose affirmative action is the reason people try to give about why there so few minorities in higher level courses. Though I do not agree with this idea when it is applied to Masterman, I do think that it can be applied other places. Throughout U.S. History minorities have been kept down and so many of them still feel stuck down today, like they cannot try to gain more in their lives because they will just be pushed aside as their ancestors were. But, there are some minorities (like myself) who know that they can have whatever they want in their life. If you want more qualified minorities in high places they key is not to help them after they've made it through high school or college, the key would be to help them from birth placing them in better schools and more productive environments.
Now, this is what I find uber salty and funny about Affirmative Action, many people think that it rights the wrongs of white privilege. The problem with this is that many people also fail to see the Black privilege that it creates. I have an edge over my white male friends because I'm a black female. I also have access to a lot more help than they do because people want to help the "sad minority." This puts me in a position where I can achieve more by doing less than white males. Doesn't seem right to me, but I know it's true.
Affirmative action as it is now helps the wrong group of people. It helps people like me who are already college bound and don't really need help. It gives me a little extra boost. When really, it should be helping the kid who has a lot of potential but was not able to reach his / her full potential because they ended up in a sucky neighborhood school where they were written off as another hood rat who was not going anywhere in life. It should help those kids that bomb the SAT not because they aren't smart but because of the fact that they had no clue what they were getting into. It sort of pisses me off that affirmative action helps me, who does not really need it, instead of my friends who I know who do. It's not really a help, once it kicks into place the person is pretty much past all the problems they had to face that would hold them back.
My other problem with affirmative action is that it always leaves people looking over their shoulder wondering if they got to where they are not because they were qualified but because they were black. It's somewhat of an insult when colleges that accept people based on a point scale add points because of an applicants minority status. That says that they generally expect minorities to come in being worse than everyone else. And, it does allow some under qualified people to be let in over qualified people which is a serious problem and gives people grounds to make statements questioning how a minority got into a school/job. It also leaves me feeling like somewhat of a hypocrite. I can sit here and speak about how I'm against affirmative action but sitting right next to me are two of the many scholarships that my mother has had me fill out that are for minorities. I have to take these advantages because I need the money, but I feel bad knowing that I have many more scholarship opportunities than non-minorities who I know also need money. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I do know that I will have to keep doing these scholarships because my mom needs the money.
I wish it wasn't this way, but it is. I wish there were no such thing as the office of minority education at MIT which is devoted to making sure that the minorities achieve. Who is there to make sure that all of the non-minorities achieve? Maybe one day it won't be this way. Maybe one day we'll be able to give each child the same chances and so whatever position he or she is in by senior year of high school is due to their own good or bad decisions. But we would also have to make sure that they had proper counseling because a lack of a good family structure is one thing that leads to this gap that people are trying to fix with these stupid policies. Ugh. This is way too much to think about, and too big a problem for a 17 girl who is sleep as hell. So I guess this is where I'll end. It's just something to think about.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Day of Silence / Blackout Against Malaria Day
Day of Silence:
Though I'm not sure that it really does anything or raises any awareness, I still wish that I could have done it. But I couldn't because my mother works at my school and she is a homophopbe and though I'm sure she would not have said anything outright about it, she would have made some sort of comment that would have just made me mad. For now I act the way she wants me to but... MIT here I come, as the person I want to be :D. Props to all the people who participated in the Day of Silence.
The Blackout Project:
So, I thought that I would see A LOT more black facebook profile pictures. I took the time to invite every person that I knew (only once, if your facebook is dumb like mine is the event probably didn't get deleted the first time you tried, if you tried). But, even after inviting everyone I knew most people still had their normal facebook pictures. It just seemed like such a simple thing to do. I thought more people would. Idk I guess it doesn't matter but still I thought more would.
Though I'm not sure that it really does anything or raises any awareness, I still wish that I could have done it. But I couldn't because my mother works at my school and she is a homophopbe and though I'm sure she would not have said anything outright about it, she would have made some sort of comment that would have just made me mad. For now I act the way she wants me to but... MIT here I come, as the person I want to be :D. Props to all the people who participated in the Day of Silence.
The Blackout Project:
So, I thought that I would see A LOT more black facebook profile pictures. I took the time to invite every person that I knew (only once, if your facebook is dumb like mine is the event probably didn't get deleted the first time you tried, if you tried). But, even after inviting everyone I knew most people still had their normal facebook pictures. It just seemed like such a simple thing to do. I thought more people would. Idk I guess it doesn't matter but still I thought more would.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Nothing To Say.
I don't really have anything to say.
I just feel like blogging.
The elections are tomorrow. I hope Obama wins and Hillary shuts up. I just want this first part to be over. It'd be weird if she lost cause then she would have to be like "Oh well, it's clear you, the country, don't want me. So I'm just going to back up and sit down now." I mean sure one of them would have to do it one day but still... meh. mah. moo (goes the cow.)
ok i think it's clear that I've gone over the edge. So i'm going to end this here.
:D
Realization:
you should like people for WHO they are... not WHAT they are.
I just feel like blogging.
The elections are tomorrow. I hope Obama wins and Hillary shuts up. I just want this first part to be over. It'd be weird if she lost cause then she would have to be like "Oh well, it's clear you, the country, don't want me. So I'm just going to back up and sit down now." I mean sure one of them would have to do it one day but still... meh. mah. moo (goes the cow.)
ok i think it's clear that I've gone over the edge. So i'm going to end this here.
:D
Realization:
you should like people for WHO they are... not WHAT they are.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
This is why I can't come back...
So, it's probably no secret that I don't really have a home. I have houses. I've spent a lot of time always trying to find a place that I could call my home and people that I could call my family. My mom tries so hard to make me think that her house is my home and that her family is my family. But I just wish that she would give up. Because they are not. She keeps denying the fact that I hate being here and that I don't like her husband or their daughter. But that is exactly what they are to me.
I don't think my mother understands that every time I say something along the lines of, "I'm not coming back here," and then she later does one of her, "Well why did you say that? You know I want you to always feel like this is your home..." speeches, I want to run out of the room. Or just shake her and say, "Get over the fact that I hate your house! I have and it would be great if you could to!" Both of my parents think that I like the other one more. But they fail to see that I dislike them both equally. But neither of their houses could ever be my home. And neither of their families could ever be mine. It's plain and simple and so I have always realized I must find my own family and home... but this is why.
My mother's ideal world closes people in too much where as my father's world pushes others out too much. Every time my Mom and I start talking about MIT she goes "you better not get caught up with those kids up there. Remember you're a Muslim going to MIT, not a person at MIT who happens to be Muslim." If you shove stuff down people's throats they are going to throw it up. That's the way the human body works. Sorry but it is. My father on the other hand tells me that I should go up there and worry about me and no one else. Sorry, but I love helping and lifting other people. It's kind of the main reason that I felt MIT would be the best fit for me. There isn't that get a head mentality that I'm sure my father wants me to have. But I don't have it, and I'm glad I don't.
Today, on the news they were talking about the Pope. And my little sister goes, "I hate the pope." I except my mother to tell her that she shouldn't say things like that but instead my mother just sits there and continues to eat her pancakes. In my head I'm like "WTF is wrong with these people?" So I ask Khadijah why she hates the pope and she goes, "I don't know I just do." After I glare at my mother for a little she goes, "Well you shouldn't hate the pope he is just a man." Alejandro talks a lot about brainwashing. Well Ale, this is brainwashing at it's best. When you get people to hate other people who they don't even know and they don't know why they hate them.
I can't be closed in. I can't be crazy Muslim and I can't be crazy anti-other people. Honestly, I have never felt closer to God than I do at this point in my life. I know He's there. And I'm sure that He's helping me through this. I can't come back here. I can't go back there either. It wouldn't be good for me. And it'd probably hurt them to see the road that I'm headed down.
Dear Mommy and Abu,
I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I'm actually glad that I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'll take the sense you gave me and put it to good use. But there are somethings I just don't agree with. I never really fit in either of your homes. I hope that one day you two can be happy, apart and separate and be content with knowing that I'm happy. Sultan rarely calls, and I might be the same way. I'm sorry if this hurts you. But I'm not sorry for being me.
?
I don't think my mother understands that every time I say something along the lines of, "I'm not coming back here," and then she later does one of her, "Well why did you say that? You know I want you to always feel like this is your home..." speeches, I want to run out of the room. Or just shake her and say, "Get over the fact that I hate your house! I have and it would be great if you could to!" Both of my parents think that I like the other one more. But they fail to see that I dislike them both equally. But neither of their houses could ever be my home. And neither of their families could ever be mine. It's plain and simple and so I have always realized I must find my own family and home... but this is why.
My mother's ideal world closes people in too much where as my father's world pushes others out too much. Every time my Mom and I start talking about MIT she goes "you better not get caught up with those kids up there. Remember you're a Muslim going to MIT, not a person at MIT who happens to be Muslim." If you shove stuff down people's throats they are going to throw it up. That's the way the human body works. Sorry but it is. My father on the other hand tells me that I should go up there and worry about me and no one else. Sorry, but I love helping and lifting other people. It's kind of the main reason that I felt MIT would be the best fit for me. There isn't that get a head mentality that I'm sure my father wants me to have. But I don't have it, and I'm glad I don't.
Today, on the news they were talking about the Pope. And my little sister goes, "I hate the pope." I except my mother to tell her that she shouldn't say things like that but instead my mother just sits there and continues to eat her pancakes. In my head I'm like "WTF is wrong with these people?" So I ask Khadijah why she hates the pope and she goes, "I don't know I just do." After I glare at my mother for a little she goes, "Well you shouldn't hate the pope he is just a man." Alejandro talks a lot about brainwashing. Well Ale, this is brainwashing at it's best. When you get people to hate other people who they don't even know and they don't know why they hate them.
I can't be closed in. I can't be crazy Muslim and I can't be crazy anti-other people. Honestly, I have never felt closer to God than I do at this point in my life. I know He's there. And I'm sure that He's helping me through this. I can't come back here. I can't go back there either. It wouldn't be good for me. And it'd probably hurt them to see the road that I'm headed down.
Dear Mommy and Abu,
I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I'm actually glad that I'm not what you wanted me to be. I'll take the sense you gave me and put it to good use. But there are somethings I just don't agree with. I never really fit in either of your homes. I hope that one day you two can be happy, apart and separate and be content with knowing that I'm happy. Sultan rarely calls, and I might be the same way. I'm sorry if this hurts you. But I'm not sorry for being me.
?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
What is love?
Today is (inter)National Poke Ben Jones Day! Wooo! This should so be an official holiday!
Well. Life is going ok. But I might be failing gov and Doc might give me a C. Let's hope I don't get kicked off of NHS or get my admissions rescinded. The latter would suck a lot more than the former. :D
I had an interview with Concerned Black Men today. I think that it went well. There was one question that I just didn't know how to answer because I just don't know what to do. It was basically what should we do about violence towards Masterman students on the subway. All I could say is that people should take the general safety precautions and hope for the best. I don't know what to do when you have a city full of kids who don't want to see others excel and a school full of not so strong kids who are excelling. :/.
The weather is nice. It was kind of hot today but I enjoyed it.
Stupid Omar posted a horrid picture of me in the MIT blogs. I'm the one looking like an idiot in the pink scarf doing the cha cha slide.
Hopefully soon I'll be finding out about Interphase. Fred thinks that I'll get to go. I hope I do because that would be overly amazing! Hopefully all the chat people that applied will get in. That would be more fun :D.
Ok I think that's the end of all my rambling. Bye loves.
Well. Life is going ok. But I might be failing gov and Doc might give me a C. Let's hope I don't get kicked off of NHS or get my admissions rescinded. The latter would suck a lot more than the former. :D
I had an interview with Concerned Black Men today. I think that it went well. There was one question that I just didn't know how to answer because I just don't know what to do. It was basically what should we do about violence towards Masterman students on the subway. All I could say is that people should take the general safety precautions and hope for the best. I don't know what to do when you have a city full of kids who don't want to see others excel and a school full of not so strong kids who are excelling. :/.
The weather is nice. It was kind of hot today but I enjoyed it.
Stupid Omar posted a horrid picture of me in the MIT blogs. I'm the one looking like an idiot in the pink scarf doing the cha cha slide.
Hopefully soon I'll be finding out about Interphase. Fred thinks that I'll get to go. I hope I do because that would be overly amazing! Hopefully all the chat people that applied will get in. That would be more fun :D.
Ok I think that's the end of all my rambling. Bye loves.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
?
I never knew that so much could change in such a small amount of time. I never thought that things would end up this way. Infact, it used to be my biggest fear that I would end up like this. But now that I'm here, it's not so bad. In fact, I'm kind of glad.
Things are easier this way.
I have begun the procecess that much naturally take place after one moves from highschool to college. And honestly things are going much more smoothly than I thought they would. God willing, I'll start at MIT on June 22nd so that I will be ready for the fall. I hope I get this because I feel that it is what would be best for me. I hope certain other people get to go too. Because that would be fun^2.
I'm ending this now because Quintin wants to go.
Bye.
Things are easier this way.
I have begun the procecess that much naturally take place after one moves from highschool to college. And honestly things are going much more smoothly than I thought they would. God willing, I'll start at MIT on June 22nd so that I will be ready for the fall. I hope I get this because I feel that it is what would be best for me. I hope certain other people get to go too. Because that would be fun^2.
I'm ending this now because Quintin wants to go.
Bye.
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